"Where are you from?" It's a perpetual question for those of us who live outside our native lands. For me, it isn't always an easy answer.
Allen Say has a beautiful children's book called Grandfather's Journey, based on his grandfather's immigration from Japan to San Francisco. At one point, his grandfather realizes that he misses his culture and his language and he decides to return 'home', to Japan. At first it is a happy reunion, but he soon finds that even though he loves Japan, he misses the California sunshine, American culture, his life there, his 'home'. You see this bitter-sweet moment when he accepts that he doesn't really have a home. He has two. And no matter where he lives, no matter how much he loves where he is, he will always be homesick for the other place.
As you can guess, I really identify with this story. And there are specific days -- like today -- where I feel very much pulled toward one place or another.
I've lived "overseas" for almost half my life. To give a simple version of my family story, my poppa's Australian and my mom's American, so we three kids grew up in both places. I identify with both places. On September 11 and shortly afterwards, Michael and I were living in Australia and then Japan. When George W. Bush gave ultimatums or hung banners claiming "mission accomplished", I started to see America through the lense of an expat. As a child in the states, my teachers told me that America was the best country in the world, and we were specially blessed by God (I grew up in the 80s, when the "good guys" and "bad guys" seemed, in my view, to be very clearly marked). Now, I was viewing my country with the added perspectives and opinions of people who weren't raised to share that view, and, in that light, in a time of war and 'man-hunts', it was hard to see its strengths. It was hard to understand what it now was to be American. It was even hard to see myself as one. I wondered what Americans were really like, these days. Am I still like 'them'? Would I still fit in, if I went back? Or has my globe-trotting made me too different? Too global? Would they think me 'un-patriotic' (the biggest sin in the first post-9/11 years)?
So, in 2006, we decided to move back to the USA to make the deliberate effort to get to know our 'homeland'. To find something we loved. To feel connected. To re-learn what it was to be American. To see if we could still feel American.
To make another long story short, four years in the USA taught me a lot. Americans are, obviously, different wherever you go. We traveled more than 25,000 miles around the USA and found that each city/town/state/region has its own characteristics and personalities, their own politics and culture and popular beliefs. We saw breathtaking places that wholeheartedly earned the title "America, the Beautiful". At different times, we met people and saw things that made us feel welcomed, offended, intrigued, horrified and enamored, but -- above all -- we ended up feeling absolutely connected to this place and the people. I ended up feeling American.
Generalizing Americans, I discovered, is a silly thing to try and do -- but I will say that I found Americans to be generally likable, usually thoughtful, earnest and hard-working. And I yes, I still fit in. And yes, I found that they liked me too. I felt happy to call myself one of them, to be part of what I now saw first-hand to be a generally good place with a lot of promise and potential. There really is room for all of us, for all our views, backgrounds, beliefs, preferences, occupations, family structures and religions -- but each of us needs to first choose to make that room in our hearts and homes.
Eventually, just like Allen Say's grandfather, we found that our love for our community and our lives in the Bay Area could not forever abate the yearning for what we left behind -- the world, adventure, the possibilities and promises of a new country to be seen. So we gave up our life in the USA, and now we're back overseas. Yes, I often feel homesick for America and want to go back. But, increasingly often, I also feel happy where I am.
So while I find that where I'm from isn't always where I want to be, it will always be a place I feel connected to. Yes, I am proud to be American, but perhaps not in the same way as other people are proud. But those differences are a huge part of what I enjoy about my fellow Americans. Those differences also tell me that there are many more paths to take across my native land, many more adventures, possibilities, and promises of more country to be seen. I dream of purple mountains, spacious skies and amber waves of grain.
God, don't just bless America. Please bless the whole world. With peace.
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"Peace and friendship with all mankind is our wisest policy, and I wish we may be permitted to pursue it." --Thomas Jefferson
"It isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it." --Eleanor Roosevelt
"Peace begins with a smile." --Mother Teresa
Allen Say has a beautiful children's book called Grandfather's Journey, based on his grandfather's immigration from Japan to San Francisco. At one point, his grandfather realizes that he misses his culture and his language and he decides to return 'home', to Japan. At first it is a happy reunion, but he soon finds that even though he loves Japan, he misses the California sunshine, American culture, his life there, his 'home'. You see this bitter-sweet moment when he accepts that he doesn't really have a home. He has two. And no matter where he lives, no matter how much he loves where he is, he will always be homesick for the other place.
As you can guess, I really identify with this story. And there are specific days -- like today -- where I feel very much pulled toward one place or another.
I've lived "overseas" for almost half my life. To give a simple version of my family story, my poppa's Australian and my mom's American, so we three kids grew up in both places. I identify with both places. On September 11 and shortly afterwards, Michael and I were living in Australia and then Japan. When George W. Bush gave ultimatums or hung banners claiming "mission accomplished", I started to see America through the lense of an expat. As a child in the states, my teachers told me that America was the best country in the world, and we were specially blessed by God (I grew up in the 80s, when the "good guys" and "bad guys" seemed, in my view, to be very clearly marked). Now, I was viewing my country with the added perspectives and opinions of people who weren't raised to share that view, and, in that light, in a time of war and 'man-hunts', it was hard to see its strengths. It was hard to understand what it now was to be American. It was even hard to see myself as one. I wondered what Americans were really like, these days. Am I still like 'them'? Would I still fit in, if I went back? Or has my globe-trotting made me too different? Too global? Would they think me 'un-patriotic' (the biggest sin in the first post-9/11 years)?
So, in 2006, we decided to move back to the USA to make the deliberate effort to get to know our 'homeland'. To find something we loved. To feel connected. To re-learn what it was to be American. To see if we could still feel American.
To make another long story short, four years in the USA taught me a lot. Americans are, obviously, different wherever you go. We traveled more than 25,000 miles around the USA and found that each city/town/state/region has its own characteristics and personalities, their own politics and culture and popular beliefs. We saw breathtaking places that wholeheartedly earned the title "America, the Beautiful". At different times, we met people and saw things that made us feel welcomed, offended, intrigued, horrified and enamored, but -- above all -- we ended up feeling absolutely connected to this place and the people. I ended up feeling American.
Generalizing Americans, I discovered, is a silly thing to try and do -- but I will say that I found Americans to be generally likable, usually thoughtful, earnest and hard-working. And I yes, I still fit in. And yes, I found that they liked me too. I felt happy to call myself one of them, to be part of what I now saw first-hand to be a generally good place with a lot of promise and potential. There really is room for all of us, for all our views, backgrounds, beliefs, preferences, occupations, family structures and religions -- but each of us needs to first choose to make that room in our hearts and homes.
Eventually, just like Allen Say's grandfather, we found that our love for our community and our lives in the Bay Area could not forever abate the yearning for what we left behind -- the world, adventure, the possibilities and promises of a new country to be seen. So we gave up our life in the USA, and now we're back overseas. Yes, I often feel homesick for America and want to go back. But, increasingly often, I also feel happy where I am.
So while I find that where I'm from isn't always where I want to be, it will always be a place I feel connected to. Yes, I am proud to be American, but perhaps not in the same way as other people are proud. But those differences are a huge part of what I enjoy about my fellow Americans. Those differences also tell me that there are many more paths to take across my native land, many more adventures, possibilities, and promises of more country to be seen. I dream of purple mountains, spacious skies and amber waves of grain.
God, don't just bless America. Please bless the whole world. With peace.
------------------------------------------------------
"Peace and friendship with all mankind is our wisest policy, and I wish we may be permitted to pursue it." --Thomas Jefferson
"It isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it." --Eleanor Roosevelt
"Peace begins with a smile." --Mother Teresa
